If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
