True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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