I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
