dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we made out on top of his cat.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
