im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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