I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
