it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she peed on how many people?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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