Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
