i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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