I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
