ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
