you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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