we have officially lost it.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
