I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
