I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
