I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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