I'm going to jail i love you
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
