I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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