Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
