I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
