So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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