You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
