i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
