i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
