Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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