The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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