I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
