There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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