she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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