Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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