i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
