I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
