ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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