This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You are a genius and a whore.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
