I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Can you bring me the toilet please
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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