New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
