I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
