Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
