I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
