Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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