Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
