I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
