I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
