Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
