I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
