i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
