i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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