I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
