the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
