omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
