You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
