My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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